WHY WE DINE TOGETHER.
It is often said that the secret to comedy is timing. Deliver the line too soon or too late, and the effect is lost. Similarly, the secret to wine making, is timing. Pick the grapes too soon or too late, and your wine flakes. Apparently, and I just wouldn’t know, the secret to the stock market, is timing. The secret to life of course, is also timing. I don’t need to explain that one.
Another secret to life is the joy of dining together. Whether it be the two of you, or the ten of you – dining together is as sacred as dining alone. And why?
Timing.
A meal, if shared with the right people at the right time, is perhaps one of the most profound occurrences, heightening the everyday human experience and for a select time, removing you from a world where your timing seems constantly…off. And so, sharing a meal with the wrong people (at well, any time) is pretty shit but that’s not the crux of this write up so I won’t digress.
The joy of a shared meal is something awfully universal, yet ask anyone why exactly they enjoy sharing food with friends and your answers will range from ‘I don’t know it just is’ to ‘well it’s better than dining alone’ (It’s not, see “Table for One” for further conviction)
I suppose the beauty of dining together comes in waves, and oddly it often has very little to do with the food. Of course, sharing a meal and experiencing the same flavours as someone else can be very special but that’s not what makes the experience as a whole so remarkable.
The pleasures of the table are hidden in much smaller moments, and what ties a group together is the intimacies shared within, so that collectively a sort of semblance of camaraderie is created and hopefully, felt by all. This can range from two best friends sharing an inside joke regarding an earlier topic of discussion ‘oh, I’m merely humouring so-and-so at this stage as all he does is talk about himself’ or a pair of unknown lovers making eye contact and transferring years of conversation in one glance.
However, before all of this there was of course a reason everyone wanted to dine together. Sharing a meal is a spiritual experience. Religions all around the world, worshipping all kinds of deities, believe that you aspire to one day end up in your version of heaven. Often, this does not take into account that the point of living a spiritually rich and sacred life is to create heaven on earth. And what better way to create heaven on earth than to share what keeps us alive, with each other. So as to say: “here, this is what I need to live and I chose you to share in that experience with me”. It’s not difficult to then understand why dinner dates are the go-to between people who love each other, or who hope to one day. The word companion is after all, a derivative of the old-French word compaignon, meaning ‘one who breaks bread with another’ (and like all good words out there, stems from the Latin ‘com’ and ‘panis’ meaning ‘together with bread’). This furthers the tradition of bread being brought to your restaurant table before a meal, for once we break bread together we can share in each other’s company. The decision to spend a substantial amount of time sharing food with each other, and also maintaining a conversation about (hopefully) more than the weather is one that, if misplaced or shared with the wrong person at the wrong time, can ruin an evening more than a dodgy playlist and undercooked chicken ever could.
Other forms of dining together come in cooking for our friends and loved ones, as we are saying to them that we have spent time preparing food and an atmosphere, and we want them to enjoy the labour involved in entertaining, as well as the exclusivity of being invited to share in the experience. Timing dictates this as we choose when to serve our first drink or dish, how to stagger them so that by the time the main is brought out, your guests are well versed in oenology and each other, and the mise-en-scene of empty wine bottles and plates already indicates a grand success.
Therefore, it is important to curate who you choose to become gastronomically vulnerable with, as dining together can be an extremely powerful and profound experience, if you allow it to be. Dining together at the most impressionable time in your life, whether that be old or young - can be life changing and often, life saving. For we have come a long way from the primal days of sharing food for physical survival, to now sharing food for the survival of our souls.